im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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