Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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