This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
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i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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