her vagine was all disorganized.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
this hospital has no fireball
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
