actually, I'm a sock model
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
