More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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