tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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