Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
