My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
