Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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