so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
