so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
