guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize