I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
