remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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