Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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