No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
