no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
