A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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