I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
