as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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