By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
