Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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