So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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