I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
