sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
