walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
