I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
