She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
