Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
why do cheetos always look like penises
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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