I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
