she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
high people should be assigned attendants
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
