Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
