Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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