I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize