i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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