1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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