meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
