there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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