Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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