i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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