I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
