im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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