How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
