After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
