I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
