I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
