i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
