I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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