nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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