I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
