I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
