I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
