I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw a hot homeless man
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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