maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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