Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
