did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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