Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
