So drunk its hurt
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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