i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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