I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
