worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
