Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
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I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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