I can tuck mytits in my pants
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize