saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
