it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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