the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
