yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
