stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
