You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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