pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
sick fucks of a feather flock together
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
