Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
